I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
