Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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