Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
