Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
