I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
