You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
