He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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