She is in my trunk
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
