Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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