when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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