my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
