you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I believe in your delicious
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
