It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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