Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
