Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
