i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
