My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
