May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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