You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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