dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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