Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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