Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
