I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
