we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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