Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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