Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
