I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
