She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
