it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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