ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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