You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
