I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Green mimosas i think yes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
