Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
