:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
