i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
