I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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