are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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