drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
