is your mom at the bar?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
