Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
