happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
