I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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