i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
