respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
