Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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