do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
