1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
