So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
