Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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