conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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