My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
