I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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