I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
