I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There's always time for handjobs
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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