I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
