Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
