he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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