i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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