I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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