You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
