I love black thongs
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
